Oh, Those Super Bowl Ads

Ok, so the discussion of immigration goes on hold for another week because the left can’t quit finding new more time sensitive things to piss me off.

                Since Colin Kaepernic was nearer the toilet bowl than the Super Bowl not as many of us boycotted it as was feared. So I’m trusting many of you had an opportunity to view the famous Super Bowl Ads going for a rate of $5 million per 30 seconds. I’m guessing if I asked, “Did you see the Audi ad?” that many of you would know what I’m talking about.

                As the narrator began the ever-so-supportive dad was there to watch his daughter in the go-cart race: “Should I tell my daughter her grandfather was worth more than her grandmother?” At first my wife and I just looked at each other in disbelief. But it continued, “Should I tell my daughter that her father is worth more than her mother? Should I tell her that she will be valued less than any man she’ll ever meet?’

                My daughter, who was watching the game with us, asked the question that was on all of our minds, “What the (heck)?”

                Breathlessly now, with the back of your hand against your forehead and your chin tilted slightly upward, “Maybe I’ll be able to tell her something different.”

                Yeah, maybe! Maybe if Social Services doesn’t come take her away from you because you are a candidate for Worst Father of The Year! Your daughter’s vagina is not a handicap. What the hell is wrong with people?

                What a horseshit commercial (excuse my language but I couldn’t find a better word than horseshit in my thesaurus). If you’re raising a daughter and you have actually had to debate whether or not you should tell her grandma was valued less than grandpa, mom less than dad, your daughter herself less than children with penises, and you finally reached the conclusion (either on your own or with the help of your therapist) that maybe you should tell her something different, well congratulations Einstein but you still need to put that child up for adoption to someone with an entire brain.

                I don’t want to belabor the obvious but it’s all I’ve got in this case. How many people reading this are wondering who wouldn’t tell their daughter that she can be or do anything she wants? The dumbass in the Audi commercial, I guess.

                Our daughter, probably like yours, is one of the strongest, most confident young women I know. From before she could speak words of her own she heard that there was no ceiling to what she could accomplish. We encouraged her to do her very best in everything she did, even pole vaulting in track in high school (thank God, we all survived that).

                That daughter has now coached State Championship pom squads three of the five years she’s been coaching. Three out of five state championships. I’m her dad so I’m over the moon about it but no one can argue that in the waters in which she currently swims there is no bigger fish than she.

             
               And that’s not even the important part. The important part is that for five years she’s been teaching young ladies life skills and teamwork they aren’t even old enough to appreciate yet. A few have gone on to college on dance team scholarships. All have gone on knowing that discipline and hard work pay off and coasting and slacking stay home.
 
               And our daughter is actually in the process of paving a new road for herself of which I am so proud it’s all I can do not to violate her trust and print it here but I won’t. But I can say I am so proud of her for continuing to challenge herself; to set new goals and dream new dreams and reach for any damn brass ring she sets her mind to.

                Barb and I are good parents but we wouldn’t claim to be exceptional. Most parents, I suspect, have encouraged their daughters to pursue their dreams. Maybe not that piece of feces who wrote that Audi ad.

                Oh, and Grandma? My maternal grandmother was treated like a queen for over 60 years by my grandfather. He worshipped her and was a role model par excellence for how to treat a woman with love and respect. And oh yeah, Grandma made more money than Grandpa. A lot more. Enough that they were able to buy a house and an additional empty lot in Florida and semi-retire there in their 50’s.

                Since wage equality seems to be the big issue here (thank goodness we’re giving who should pay for abortions a rest for a week) let me just throw out that my wife currently makes more money than I do. Probably will from here til we retire. Wasn’t always that way. Is now. I’ve got no problem with it.

                In fact I wish she made twice as much as she does so I could retire early and she could keep me in the style to which I have grown accustomed. That is probably not going to happen. Oh she may make twice as much as me. I mean the other part.

                My point is that we function as a team. All boats float at the same level. I respect her. She respects me (well, as much as you can respect a 60-year-old guy who still blows bubbles in his milk). There are not a lot of thoughts about explaining to our daughter that Mom is valued at something less than Dad.

                Oh, I’m aware of the statistic—women are paid 21% less than men. I’m not so naïve that I don’t think the fight to win wage equality in the work place is still alive and well and for those of you who love to hate me, I’m actually in lockstep with that effort and hope that one day soon it’s won.

                I’m also kind of in line with the battle to encourage people not to see another person’s self-worth in terms of their paycheck but we’ll go there another day, perhaps.

                When asked on Twitter if their Super Bowl ad meant Audi had just recently awakened and was now complying with the law requiring them to pay women equally for doing the same job as men their reply was, “When we weigh all the factors that go into compensation our women are paid a competitive wage.”

                That actually does not sound like a straight answer to me.

                Two in twelve of Audi’s executives are women. They have zero female board members.

                Occasionally my daughter still asks for my advice which is extremely gratifying. If her paycheck ever affords her the opportunity to buy a luxury vehicle and she asks my opinion you may be assured I will recommend the 500SL.

Screw the A8.