I Have A Grandson

I had a great blog all ready to put online—it had  practically written itself—about the pause in immigration until we can make sure we aren’t ensuring multiple Bataclan Theater incidents of our own across the States. But those who hate conservatism with all their black little hearts will just have to wait a week to learn how very wrong they are again. Hopefully, that issue will still be timely but at the speed President Trump is moving who knows what the left may be rioting about in a week?

Anyway, today I don’t really care because I have a grandson. Well, not just me, my wife Barb too.  And my daughter-in-law Emma’s parents. But I get to write this.

                I am immensely proud. That isn’t even a big enough word. And those of you with half a dozen or twenty grandkids or even some great grandkids who are rolling your eyes at my giddy enthusiasm will have to forgive me. I know I’m over the moon and you’ve been there, done that, literally have the T-shirt.

                But he is perfect, as I’m sure they all are.  From his little frog legs to his thick mop of black hair that will probably fall out and grow back blond, to his extraordinarily long little monkey fingers (I am sure he could palm a ping pong ball) he is perfect. I loved him before he was born but now I am a prisoner for the rest of my life. William Grant Arnold. William or Will. Not Bill.

                He was two weeks early at 2:15, 2/3/17,  hence, very slightly undersized for a child of Russell’s but at 21” and 6 lbs. 11 ozs. if he were a trout we would most assuredly not throw him back.

                He is born into a family that I can only describe in glowing terms. He’s a lucky guy. From having a mom and dad I would bet the farm on to his perfect grandparents, aunts and uncles and beyond to an extended family that numbers over 100 if you count all sides he will be accepted without reservation and loved and nurtured and shown how it’s done.  I do not see play-doh, post-election therapy or the need for safe spaces anywhere in his future.

                In anticipation of his birth I sent Russ and Emma my thoughts on how to raise a child from birth to adulthood without him turning out in an episode of Criminal Minds. It’s not something they asked for. You really don’t have much of a choice on what I’m going to share with you when you’re related to me.  I probably left out the most important ingredient though: have someone like Barb around to fix the things you screw up. Russ has handled that in Emma and when Britt gets around to making babies (no pressure) it is already inherent in her DNA and no doubt Bryan will make a great father.

                So I hope I’m not violating something that should have remained secret and sacred to our family but here’s what I think it takes to do the job right. If any of it gives anyone else some insight into something you haven’t already thought of, you’re welcome. If you know of other things, more power to you. If it reinforces anything you already believe then good for all of us.

                Parenting Advice For When You Have Kids or When You Need or Want It

(Some of these may be more appropriate when Will gets a little bigger.)

No matter how tired you are or how much you may not want to, read to them every night until they won’t let you anymore.

Clear the coffee table out of the way and roughhouse with them after dinner until they start to get big enough to break expensive things or hurt you.

Tell them you love them so often they roll their eyes. Whether they know it or not they need to feel secure and safe in that fact. They need to hear it so often they will forgive you when you screw up as a parent.

Tell them how proud you are of them every time you feel that way. If they know you believe in them they will dare to believe in themselves.

Let them know you will be disappointed if they behave in a way that doesn’t reflect their values.  Let them know there will be consequences.  Let them know there will also be forgiveness.

Support their dreams even if they aren’t your dreams or you know things may not pan out.  Show them success is only a celebration if you have someone to share it with.

They will not be perfect children and you will not be perfect parents but always strive to be a perfect family. When there is nothing else, you won’t need anything else.

Eat dinner together as a family as often as you can.  Sometimes the silences will be awkward. There will be lots of eye rolling and one word answers. There will also be a sense of belonging and knowing that what they have to say is important to someone.

Go camping or to the movies or hiking or something regularly as a family.  They don’t have to like it and frequently won’t. What’s important is that they remember it.

The above are just suggestions based on what I think your mom and I did right.  The only thing you absolutely have to do is love them.  Everything else is just a guess. But if they know you love them they will still come home for Christmas and everything ought to turn out ok.

(More than 10 pieces of advice is too many.)

                I have a grandson. Can you believe it?