Pour Joornalism

Pour Joornalism

On Thursday, 12/29, there was a front page story in the Denver Post written by Vivian Salama and Josh Boak of the Associated Press. The piece was about the first 8,000 of 50,000 jobs negotiated by President Trump with Japanese tech billionaire, Masayoshi Son, coming to the United States. The third paragraph read thusly (bear in mind this was front page news, not opinion page editorial): “In the grand scheme of the economy, the jobs announcement is unlikely to have a major impact. Still, it’s another example of how Trump is trying to stoke voters’ belief that he is actively fighting for their well-being.”

On what planet, in what galaxy, in what universe is that hard news? That’s the bigger question, I suppose. The smaller one is who do Vivian Salama and Josh Boak think they are?  Seriously? They are only reporters, and horrible ones at that. Their opinions are no more (or less) valid than those of your favorite bank teller or the guy who picks up your recycle. News stories, for those who haven’t seen one in 8 years or more, are supposed to be based mostly on attribution and not the opinions of a couple of hacks who don’t write well anyway employed by the propaganda arm of the current administration.

It’s not that hard.  They could have found some prominent democrat to agree to let them use his or her name and put quotes around the above excerpt. (Where’s Harry Reid when you need him?) A balanced news story would include the other side’s opinion.  Something like Paul Ryan or Anyone (R) saying, “Such negotiations before President-elect Trump has even taken office are why consumer confidence ratings are nearer an all-time high than they have been in over a decade.” Then, presented with both sides, the reader gets to draw their own conclusion about whether 50,000 new jobs is a big deal to anyone other than the 50,000 people getting new jobs.

I hate to point out the obvious, but that is what news is actually supposed to be.

To even call what we accept as journalism in this country bad journalism is an insult to reporters in other countries where the journalism is merely bad.  The crap we are subjected to is beyond horrible by any standards other than North Korea’s or Iran’s.

Vivian Salama and Josh Boak? Who? What? Why? When? Where? How? But mostly WHO gives a flip?
The fact that the left dares to accuse anyone else of creating fake news falls somewhere between absurdly laughable and frustrating on a blood-curdling level.

There is a reason Mike Rowe has never shadowed a journalist on his TV show “Dirty Jobs.” He will wade through sewers. He will slop hogs. He will handle venomous snakes. But journalism is too loathsome and disgusting for even his show’s generously low standards.

And the media is still trying to figure out how Trump got elected. They told us what a low life horrible person he was and that no matter how much smoke enveloped the life and times of Hillary “Cash” Clinton, there was no flame there as long as we didn’t look behind the curtain.  They told us what to do. They told us who to vote for. How did we come to a conclusion on our own that they didn’t hand us? (Any liberals reading this are thinking WE didn’t vote for him. Hilly had the major-i-ty.  Of course, most of them thinking that are in or are from California or New York, so….)

So they blamed James Comey.  Who filed no charges against their heroine. Then they blamed fake news, conceding that mainstream media sucks so badly that Fox News and Rush Limbaugh were able to shout down ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, CNN, HLN, the BBC, NPR, THE New York Times, The Washington Post, the AP, and almost every major newspaper in every major city in this country. Then I guess they decided that made them look too stupid so they blamed Russian hackers. Who leaked DNC email plans to cheat to wikileaks. Julian Assange says they didn’t but who are you going to believe, him or the mainstream media.  Maybe believe Barack Obama, who says he knew Russian hacking was going on all along (that would be a first) but didn’t want to politicize it before the election. (Talk about stretching one’s imagination to the brink and an insulting example of how stupid he thinks the American public is.)

This is a propaganda machine of which Joseph Goebbels would have been proud. They even want to deliver socialism to the United States as his Nazi Party did to Germany in the 30’s and 40’s. And they seem to support Obama in his hatred of the Jews which he shares with Adolph Hitler, as well as their similar strategies to divide a nation along racial lines.

Hey, here’s a theory. Maybe that nasty statistic that keeps coming up in which 70% of us don’t trust the mainstream media-joke isn’t fake news. Maybe we really do think the media is completely, totally, unequivocally full of….themselves. It’s sad to think of the intentional false reporting of Jayson Blair, Dan Rather and Brian Williams (I think I was in a helicopter that got shot down but it may have just been a drafty outhouse), as the good old days of journalism but who ever thought it would go this horribly wrong?

I personally hope they keep pursuing their current line of reasoning.  I hope their denial and inability to accept that they don’t matter to us in their current arrogant, misleading, opinionated form continues because nothing will ensure Trump’s reelection in 2020 like four more years of these idiots telling us not to believe our own eyes and ears and daily experience. Keep telling us what a bunch of uneducated, illiterate, redneck, scum-sucking losers we are. Because that worked so well last time.

Believe it or not we know that those sonsofbitches on Fox News are mostly doing op/ed talk shows and we understand the difference between that and news but we value their opinion for a little balance to the BS the mainstream media tries to shove down our throat every day. Believe it or not we know all on our own that under Obama we are making less money than we were, are paying more for worse health care, and are living in more dangerous times even though the almighty media has told us things are great and everything is just fine.

Hey media—as you are currently: You….Don’t….Matter. Or #medialiesdontmatter.

So here’s a simple tip for practicing putting some attribution in your next news story:  Spin Nancy Pelosi in two or three circles and hand her a microphone.   Write down whatever comes out of her mouth and put quotes around it.

It can’t possibly make any less sense than what you morons are peddling now.

By the way, this is an opinion piece, not a hard news story, just in case you didn’t recognize that.

 

Merry Christmas, alright?

Christmas has always been one of my favorite times of year. It may be the favorite in spite of the cold and the extra 180’ of sidewalk I have to shovel on my corner lot when it snows. And I have always said Merry Christmas.

I knew there was some hulabaloo about whether you should say it or not but I largely ignored it because Christmas is Christmas and everybody seemed pretty cool about hearing Merry Christmas in spite of the big social firestorm the media was trying to create around it. Those idiots do that stuff all the time and after awhile, ho-hum, I just quit paying attention.

Then we elected Donald Trump president three times and he said he was going to make it okay to say Merry Christmas again and you’d have thought he drowned a puppy on national TV.

I get it. I don’t need the president or anybody else to tell me it’s ok to say Merry Christmas. Right or wrong I’ve been doing it all my life and now I’m old enough I don’t even care if you like it or not. Presumably, based on nearly 60 years of saying it to people and in return getting Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays back at me I’m going to assume that I just don’t know a lot of militant atheists or it’s pretty much ok with most people if you offer them a cheerful greeting of the season.

Are you guys on the left just pissed because Donald Trump said it?

There was an editorial this week by E.J. Dionne Jr. of the Washington Post Writers Group that ran in the Denver Post. I could tell it was an editorial because it ran on the editorial page under a big banner that said “Opinion.” That was about the only thing that made it different from stuff that routinely runs on the front page but I’m a pretty sharp guy and I picked up on it right away.

Anyway, E.J., who says some things Donald Trump says enrage him and others just get under his skin, apparently applied this open-minded template to the new president’s remarks about making it ok to say Merry Christmas again. It really bothered E.J. who pointed out that he has been free to say Merry Christmas his whole life and Donald Trump had by God better not tell him he is free to say Merry Christmas for the rest of it.

Believe it or not, I follow E.J. here (kind of), just not with all the rage. I just said I didn’t need anybody to tell me it was ok to do what I was already doing.

Where E.J. starts losing me is that in his world it is only ok to say Merry Christmas to people that he is certain are Christians and celebrate Christmas like he does. So ok, how do you know when you pass someone on the street what their religion and belief systems are to know if it’s ok to let them know you care enough about the fact they exist to wish them a Merry Christmas? Or is he ashamed or guilty about celebrating Christmas?  Which is why I just say Merry Christmas and breathe a sigh of relief when I don’t get shot. (Not really.)

Are we really that sensitive about it? I don’t care if you answer me with Happy Holidays. I wouldn’t care if you answered me with Happy Hanakuh. I really wouldn’t care if you wished me Happy Kwanza although I am woefully ignorant what sort of celebration that is. I would feel better about life if you just acknowledged my greeting and well wishes with one of your own that recognizes me as a human being at a time of year when I thought we were supposed to recognize each other as human beings.

I double swear I won’t get pissed off at your choice from the above options (or anything else that’s civil and pleasant) if you don’t get pissed off at mine.

Both sides are guilty here if there really are filthy, white (people, not snow) Christmas celebrators insisting you only acknowledge them with Merry Christmas or they’re going to do something to your car. But don’t make it ok to become enraged if I don’t say Happy Holidays instead. Geez, Louise, you guys. Have we gone crazy?

What did we do for 200 years until someone came up with the term “politically correct?”

Even if you’re an atheist can’t you celebrate spending time with family and spoiling each other with gifts and tribute that say those close to me are close to me for good reason? Is that really offensive to anyone?

E.J. goes on to say that his parents raised him to say Happy Hanakuh to his Jewish friends but he manages to avoid stating whether he in turn required they say Merry Christmas to him out of mutual respect. If you aren’t certain he says you should say Happy Holidays.  If you know for absolute positive that someone is a practicing Christian who drug a pagan symbol (a tree for goodness sakes) into their living room to wait for the guy Coca Cola invented in 1929 to drop down the chimney and scare the crap out of the kids—only then could you say Merry Christmas.

Ok, E.J. didn’t say all of that but c’mon.

It seems like the right and the left are going to have plenty of boisterous times in the coming four years to voice our opinions in an open-minded, civil, constructive manner (and you wonder if I can really believe in Santa Claus) without tearing each other apart over Christmas.

Sure I’m pissed nativity scenes are a no-no in public. I wish they weren’t.  I wouldn’t care though if the Jewish community put a menorah right next to a nativity scene.  I wouldn’t even care if you put a Kwanza thingy there too just cuz I’m curious what the hell that would be. Are we really all required to walk on eggshells to protect the atheists from seeing other people believe in stuff? I actually don’t think most of them truly mind, they just think we’re foolish.

I do think we have found one more thing over which to let the nut jobs rule the asylum.

So E.J., even you acknowledged in your story—sorry editorial column—that it is a season of peace and good will to all. Try worrying less about the fact that Donald Trump said it was ok and in a moment of tranquility and reflection just accept a Merry Christmas from all those people you will go back to wishing were dead on Monday.

I can’t believe there is argument about this.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. Answer me with whatever greeting your heart tells you is ok.  As long as you are civil and sincere and don’t use the F word, I’m ok with it.

Merry Christmas.

After The Math

My, my what a different winter we are looking at than the one many of us imagined.

A woman whose friendship I value said the other day, “Telling someone to calm down is not going to make them calm down.” So true but too bad.

So instead what I’d like to tell the ½ of the country that seems to be a teensy bit upset that Hillary Clinton is not going to be our next president is that I understand exactly how you feel and I know it sucks. Not because I am upset Hillary lost, but because I know how it feels to face four to eight years of feeling disenfranchised and being governed by leaders who don’t represent your point of view and who shove a bunch of stuff down your throat that makes you absolutely vomit. Though in fairness, Trump really hasn’t done any of that yet but I know better than to argue with you.

I don’t think we on the right expressed our displeasure any less vehemently or gently in 2008 or 2012 than those on the left are now, although I have to say I don’t remember us setting things on fire and rioting and looting and the like. But we were just as unhappy about it. I don’t mean to imply that all Trump haters are violent and childish. Just unhappy, distraught, near suicidal and feeling hopeless.  I understand.  We spent eight years there.

                What we didn’t have was a media that trumpeted every emotion we felt while we were waiting for our coffee to brew.

                Oh, I know, we have Rush Limbaugh and those lying bastards on Fox News. All I can say is those guys must be really good if your side can equate one news network and one talk show host with ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC, HLN, The BBC, NPR, The Associated Press, The New York Times, The Washington Post and almost every major newspaper in every major town in the United States, but we can debate that next time we get together to smear feces on each other’s windshields or whatever you had in mind for the holidays this year.

                If you can suspend your disbelief enough to believe that most people in between coasts didn’t want to be ruled by California and New York maybe you can suspend it enough to believe we think you have more media at your disposal to make more noise about your displeasure. But I’m trying to agree with you here—I’m trying to tell you I know you’re upset and we on the right know how you feel (at least those of you who didn’t need days off and therapy and pla-doh and stuff—we don’t know how to really relate to that).

                You guys, for eight years we woke up every day frustrated and fearful of what the government and you-know-who might do that day to make America look a little less like the one of which we were once so proud. We didn’t like a lot of stuff. We didn’t much like Obamacare (although everybody likes no exclusions for preexisting conditions, c’mon); we didn’t really think much of Obama’s international apology tour or drawing imaginary lines in the sand or feeling like we had become the laughing stock of the global community.

                We didn’t like being told the economy was great when we set a record for food stamp recipients; equaled mid-70’s numbers for citizens not in the work force; and saw household income levels decline, all the while being told it was OK because this was the new normal.  I know, I know, all the bad stuff was George Bush’s fault. Obama is only responsible for happy things. So if your guy couldn’t fix it in eight years is it too much to ask for him to get out of the way because we are pretty sure our guy can?

                Yes? Too soon? Sorry.

                And my personal favorite, the racial division infection that has abscessed in this country under Obama’s leadership or lack thereof. I know, you don’t think that was his fault either, but believe me I am being kind when I tell you that I think his biggest failing as the nation’s first black president was the giant step backwards in race relations that he personally nurtured and encouraged.

                And good lord, the list of crap that made us puke is way longer than this but you get the picture and I promised a friend of mine who complained that I would try and keep new blogs around 1,000 words because he has a short attention span. (I should’ve mentioned the debt and border security, illegals and Sanctuary cities. Oh well, we’ll get to those another time.)

                So yes, we get it, and so should you: there is going to be a lot of stuff happen in at least the next four years that you aren’t going to like very much. Good grief, Trump isn’t even president yet and the mainstream media says doom is upon us.  I don’t know what to tell you other than you have my empathy.

                I’d like to tell you that we on the right will try and be more compassionate during the implementation of policies we’d like to see happen before our country is crippled beyond repair but I can’t speak for everyone, and many days I’m only one stupid liberal comment away from losing my stuff myself.

                Eventually President Trump will be sworn in in spite of fake news about fake news, Russian hackers (who thought it would be a good idea to see the U.S. ramp up its military again?), and aliens from the Planet Zoltar.

                I’d like to ask you to give Trump a chance to make your health care more affordable, your paychecks bigger, your borders more secure, your communities safer and your nation less vulnerable to defeat in the next war someone decides to declare on us but I’m not hopeful you will do that. Which brings us back to me knowing exactly how you are going to feel for the next four to eight years and I’m sorry.

For you.

Birthdays Are Really Sick, Dude!

I had a birthday recently. They say you're only as old as you feel but all accounts insist I am only 59.

Lately I have been noticing some issues in communicating with people roughly half my age. I believe this is known as a generation gap or some such thing. But it flusters me.

For my birthday one such young person gave me a blank journal titled "Things I Shouldn't Say On The Internet." I could tell she meant it in good natured fashion from her hysterical laughter and that snorting noise she makes when she cracks herself up. Besides, when our families invented Blue Margarita Night she and I discovered we are identically aligned politically so I can only assume she was referring to socially inept and/or inappropriate remarks rather than my politics.

There are plenty of those.

Nonetheless, I have already started writing in the journal as a sort of catharsis to see if I can tone down my political rhetoric on Facebook. It's not really working but I still bet I'll have that journal filled up by the election.  It's a couple inches thick.

Which leaves me with my generational communication issues. Language has changed and is changing every day it seems. Not all of it disappoints me. I mean thank God we no longer say something is "groovy" or that a situation is "far out." "Awesome" covers both things and is a way cooler word.

But there are words and expressions to which I may never adjust. For example, I don't seem to be able to get used to "What's up?" merely being a greeting and not an actual question begging an answer. I fear this may irritate my young friends more than it does me and it sure eats up some time.

Also, is "What are you doing?" a common greeting or just something a purchasing agent where I work says just because he knows I hate it? He greets everyone that way so it probably isn't aimed at me. I'm an outside salesperson.  There are times I would rather not say what I'm doing. Plus in this age of cell phones where we are never free from our blue tooth tethers, even in the bathroom, it just may not be any of your damn business what I'm doing.

"Hook up" is one that gets me in trouble. My kids have explained it to me  but I still don't get the nuances. Somehow you can hook up with a scalper for tickets to a concert and that's ok but then if you say you are going to hook up with your sister before you go to the concert it produces gasps and mortified looks. Well, and sometimes stifled laughter. I know it has something to do with sex but not all the time and I just don't get when you can use it and when you shouldn't.

I understand "dude" and it's many uses pretty well, I think.  As a greeting, or an expression of happiness, anger, joy, sorrow, hilarity or tragedy all totally depending on your inflection which does take some practice to perfect. It doesn't work as well as an adjective but it can be done.  My problem with "dude" is it just sounds stupid to my ear coming out of anyone's mouth in any context.

I'm just grouchy, I guess.  I am 59.

"Sick" is one I have trouble working into my vocabulary too unless I have a tummy ache. It takes me a second to process it when young people use it but I get that it is a good thing when used as an adjective as in, "Those are some sick kicks." ("Those are nice shoes.")  I am uncomfortable saying it because it makes me think of vomit and that is never a good thing. Who made up that "sick" would now be a descriptive word to enhance one's perception of something really good or cool?

And then kids still use "sick" like people my age do to describe serial killers and twisted acts and individuals (came so close to getting political there but I edited her name out), and that sometimes throws me.

"Google it" is one I think we all get although I still belabor it a bit as "use the google" because it annoys my daughter to say it that way. Call it a small act of revenge on my part because my kids now fact check everything I assert at Sunday dinner with google rather than just accepting my omniscience like in the good old days.

I know for a fact there are more new words and expressions than this that interfere with my ability to communicate with millennials. I started a list and I know it was longer than this but I can't remember where I put it.

That's another problem with birthdays.

Oh well.

Anthropomorhism and Your Grandchild

My daughter-in-law and son are expecting. My wife Barb and I are more thrilled than I am going to be able to express. Our grandchild is due mid-February. Kind of close enough to make me nervous about missing the Superbowl but you can't plan everything.

I know my kids and their spouses have paid attention to how badly we spoil dogs around here and I hope they don't do it but if they think for 60 seconds about how it is probably going to go for grandkids at grandma and grandpa's house they will change their names and move to Wisconsin, not leave a forwarding address and only show up unannounced here on random holidays, reunions and funerals.

Our grandchildren are going to be so spoiled it will be a full time parental job convincing those kids they are not really princesses or supermen.

A lot of guys will tell you that in their next life they want to be their wife's dog but I don't think anyone can mean it more sincerely than I do.  Every dog we have ever owned has had what the vets call "separation anxiety."  I call it ripping out your screens, scratching your doors to splinters and other assorted property damage but the proper term is apparently separation anxiety.

It results from spoiling them so badly they can't stand to be left alone.

Barb always feels bad when we make the dogs so insecure they have to tear our house up wishing we were there.  She cuddles them and tells them it's alright and gives them dog treats.  I try and think of ways to get them to hang out behind the car long enough to back over them.  It's probably not me causing their separation anxiety.

In my head every dog we've had has had my wife's voice.  Undoubtedly because she talks to them all the time and answers her own questions for them since we so far have been unable to teach one to talk. She feels it is her duty to interpret the emotions of our dogs since they can't verbalize for themselves.

There is actually a term for this. It's called anthropomorphism. Look it up. And when combined with cuddling, tummy-rubbing, kissing and spoiling it creates separation anxiety. It has worked effectively on the 4 dogs we've had and me over the last 36 years and I am certain it is going to work on our grandchildren.

I am not without blame in the ruining of perfectly good dogs at our house.  When no one is looking I pat them and coo at them too. Being a guy I seem to be as easily amused by throwing a ball as dogs are by chasing them.  It wasn't always this way, but our current pet--a golden retriever--has trained me pretty well. When we first got her (sort of inherited her actually, but that's a long story) her relentless fascination with fetch drove me crazy. Somewhere along the line I have come around to finding it endearing and we will play fetch until both of us need a rest to deal with the arthritis.

You've probably all heard the old joke about if you want to see who your best friend is put your wife and your dog in your trunk for three hours and see which one is glad to see you when you let them out.  My kids have adapted a different version of this joke in which the dog and I would be put in the trunk for three hours and let's see who Mom would be happiest to see when she let them out.

My kids are soooo funny.

Our house has become something of a dog kennel as well.  I would call it a zoo, but Barb prefers kennel.  Both of our kids have two dogs each, which may or may not contribute to global warming--I have a hard time following the latest arguments.  I cannot tell you the last time we have seen our kids without their dogs. At every family gathering there are a minimum of five dogs ranging in size from Marley The Mountain Puggle to Bob and Barkley the Bernese mountain dogs.  There is also Zoe the all white German shepherd, and of course Sadie the golden retriever, and sometimes niece Jess' beagle Sopho.

In Westminster you actually need a kennel permit to have five dogs or more at your house.  Good thing our son is a Westminster cop.

Often, at our own urging, the dogs vacation here while their owners are away.  On a staggered schedule it actually seems odd when there is only one dog here. And they all get plenty of attention.
Barb cannot be spread too thin when it comes to making anyone or anything feel welcome in our house. And Russ has told me, "Dad, you act like you don't like them but we've been in the basement for hours listening to you talk to the dogs like they were kids."

Busted.

You don't have to look far to find a dog to pat and cuddle or to bring the ball back for you.

So how do you think it's going to go for real kids? Barb will be wonderful, blah, blah, blah. But even I see this as an opportunity to right all the wrongs I inflicted on my own children.  I wish I had been more patient as a father.  I'm thinking since you get to give grandkids back when you are done with them that my breaking point may be harder to reach. And I can't even tell you how much I look forward to the hours of knee-slapping fun watching my own offspring deal with the jaw-dropping, bewildering antics of  mini-me behavioral issues.

When Russell and Brittany were growing up I had all the words to Yertle The Turtle memorized so I could tell the story at bedtime without having to hog the book.  I have begun practicing again and by February I should have it down. Is day one too early to introduce a baby to Dr. Seuss? Maybe, but certainly not Ronald Reagan.  My grandchild's conservative indoctrination will begin almost immediately and by kindergarten they will be able to write a term paper of the victories and accomplishments of President Reagan.

I'm not sure that a thorough knowledge of Ronald Reagan and Yertle The Turtle will be that much of a leg up in today's public education system.  You know how those liberals hate Yertle.

At any rate, I am so excited about our pending grandchild. I am still not used to saying, "I'm going to be a grandpa," out loud but I have time. I don't look in mirrors often, mostly out of self defense, so it is quite a shock to realize I have arrived at this point of my life.

My goodness. I'm about to be married to somebody's grandmother.

My White Privilege

In case you're wondering I have never walked a mile in a black man's shoes. I have never been black and I have never played a black man on TV. Since the left's president, all prominent black race-baiters, several black college professors all sharing the same village idiot's brain, and CNN have declared that I am racist because I am white and it can be no other way, then fine. I am racist because I was born white. (Somehow that seems like a racist point of view itself but the Associated Press says it's so, so who am I to argue?)

My life is littered with white privilege. Unfortunately, my parents weren't smart enough to sign us up for that part of the white privilege program I keep reading about in the Denver Post where you just get up in the morning and go out in your back yard and fill your wheelbarrow full of the money that fell there overnight because you're white but let me tell you what they were smart enough to do.

They were smart enough to raise me to believe that if you work hard and stick with it you can be whatever you want to be.  Sadly I didn't want to work that hard but I'm ok with what I am. They made sure I understood that results weren't always going to be commensurate with the effort I put out but they would be a lot closer to the desired result than if I put out less effort.

They were smart enough to make sure I understood that opportunity in this great nation exists in abundance but it wasn't going to come looking for me.  I was going to have to go look for it, and again, finding it might not guarantee success but searching for it would guarantee more success than burning down the neighborhood barber shop.

They were smart enough to make sure I understood there is nothing more important than family.  They set an excellent example of marriage and family until my mother's death. I knew who my daddy was, which statistically is a definite privilege of being white. And my dad would never claim he was perfect but I will claim he was a great example of how to live my life by a set of standards and expectations that made me successful and someone people could count on.

My life of privilege in a loving, caring family ensured that I understood that regardless of my own spiritual commitment that the Christian principles on which this nation was founded were rock-solid and as bad as I am at it, I understand that if we all followed The Golden Rule we wouldn't need another one.

My privilege as a family member taught me right from wrong. It taught me there were consequences for bad decisions and that the worst consequence of all was disappointing someone who believed in you.  It also taught me that there was love and acceptance and second chances if I was willing to try.

The privilege of being able to watch my father interact with other people and deal with life's triumphs and failures taught me how a man is supposed to behave and respond and step up. My father taught me that stove tops are hot (much more successfully than my mother's mere warnings), that sweat yields results, that most people are decent, that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar (that's a metaphor you guys), and that you have to do your chores before you go play.

Somewhere along the line they also taught me, though I don't remember a specific conversation, that if a police officer asks you to stop and let him talk to you that doing so is probably more prudent than pointing a gun at him, trying to cut him with a knife or run over him with a car. It's probably even smarter than just fleeing. Oh, and in addition to being smart it is the right thing to do.

A lot of my white privilege has to do with my education on the right thing to do. You help others when you can. You get up and go to work everyday. You take care of your wife and kids. You don't steal stuff or hurt people. Selling illegal drugs as a career choice is a bad idea. You do treat others as you would like to be treated.

And the greatest white privilege of all in my life has been the opportunity to, along with my wonderful white wife, raise my own family and pass along to my own children what I hope is the best I know about how to get through this world with pride and satisfaction and minimal regrets. If how my kids have turned out is any measure of my wife and I we are brilliant. Probably my wife more that me.  Brilliant is not a word used in the same sentence as my name very often. Both my kids are successful, married, white privileged little home owners and I am proud of their loving, caring, successful lives.

One of them is even a police officer.  Not because he really wanted to get into a profession where he could kill all the black people he wanted to but because he believes serving and protecting his community is the right thing to do and he is really, really good at it.

I was unemployed for a year, which I realize is way different than 50 years of generational unemployment and being told there's nothing you can do about it except keep voting for democrats because that's worked out so well.  But never once in that lone year did it occur to me that I ought to set every business in my neighborhood on fire just to let people know it wasn't fair. Never once did it occur to me to throw bricks at cops or march in protest of people who weren't me having stuff I didn't have. And it most especially never occurred to me to vote for Barack Obama.

No, instead my white privilege kicked in and I looked for a job every single day.  When it became clear that my skill set was more common than I thought, or at least that it was available in a younger more affordable version of Executive 2.0, as white as I was then, I was able to lower my sights a bit and take a job at a level I used to supervise.  Seems unfair.  In hindsight I probably should have burned down a liquor store or something but instead I took the job so I could keep my house and provide for my family and I have showed up to work every day since.

I hope there is a black person who can read this and get angry and think they were also raised in a loving and caring family and how dare I think that is uniquely white.  I don't. But in truth, 24% of white kids are born into fatherless homes while 72% of black kids are.  You don't even have to do an Associated Press magical adjustment of the data to figure out that white kids have a tremendous advantage right there.

And I don't know what to do about it.  I'm sorry. But I don't know how to make black families whole.  That's why I hope I can make some, any, even one black person angry enough to yell about this a little.  Go out in the street and do it. Go tell every other black person you know that it doesn't have to be this way.  That being somebody's baby momma is a really bad choice.  That being somebody's baby daddy is really irresponsible.  That if you're going to bring a kid into this world you have an obligation to raise it the best you can.  You don't have to be perfect. You can even be pretty bad at it. Mostly all you have to do is care.

The biggest single factor between young black men in prison and young black men not in prison is that the ones not in prison can identify at least one person they would have disappointed by committing a crime and the ones in prison cannot.

So is it just me or shouldn't it be more intuitive that alleged black leaders should be more about trying to re-establish a little black privilege along the lines of the white privilege that we undeserving oppressors were born into? Why would you not promote dads manning up and being dads over tipping police cars over and setting businesses on fire to express their anger? Why would you not promote trying to improve your situation rather than trying to ruin someone else's?

My white privilege tells me I'd get a new set of leaders, but Hillary may well end up being the next president so what the hell do I know about what an abject loser Barack Obama has been?

I am certain in a lot of ways I am not able to understand how highly the deck is stacked against black culture.  Maybe black people do have to work twice as hard to get half as far. I don't know. But if that's true, so just do it already. Half as far is further than you're going to get playing professional victim. And if you stick around and watch your kid grow up maybe he'll get twice as far as you did and before you know it black people might be too busy succeeding to remember how much they hate white people or vice versa.  I forget whose fault it is now. White people right?

I am beating a dead horse now but I do have one final thought on white privilege and how it is not uniformly applied to all white people.  I cannot golf worth shit which seems grossly unfair.  Every thing about me is white except the way I swing a golf club.  Why? Bill Clinton posted good scores although it is fairly accepted he cheated (SHOCKER!). Barack Obama is rumored to be a pretty good golfer and he is only 1/2 white (oh, yes he is).  Maybe I just need to practice as much as Obama does but God help my fat white derriere, I just can't see myself spending as much time doing anything as much as Obama does golfing.

Make America Great Again

I am writing this at the request of a friend so I know that while some of your will want to scream and break your own stuff and lovingly wish me dead, there will also be some of you who will cheer me on (silently so no one screams at you, breaks your stuff or lovingly wishes you dead for disagreeing with them) and some of you who may appreciate the opinion and maybe change yours as a result.  Maybe.

If you've already made up your mind that Hillary Clinton is this nation's fairy godmother and that that little incident in Benghazi doesn't make any difference now; that that little email thing was just an innocent and inconsequential mistake; that the Clinton foundation is a totally transparent charitable organization completely on the up-and-up and dedicated to spreading love and joy across the globe and nothing else; that Whitewater never happened; that Hillary does know the secrets to fixing the economy (what? It's broken?) and healing a "post-racial" America and she just thought it would be clever not to share those answers with Barry; that she knew nothing of the primary rigged against Bernie Sanders; and that lots of people know 100 folks who could have testified against them if they hadn't died under the most bizarre set of circumstances imaginable (insert liberal eye-roll here) then you're probably better off just picking out that porcelain coffee mug you've been thinking of getting rid of anyway and getting started hoping my grandchildren are born with tails.

If you're in the camp that is terrified she may be the next president but you don't know how to get the taste out of your mouth by supporting a billionaire seemingly dedicated to shooting himself in the foot on a daily basis and saying things in such a non-presidential manner that he makes Gerald Ford and George W look like masterful orators then please just consider a few things.  First of all I'm not going to tell you not to believe your lying eyes and ears, but please don't believe the interpretation of Trump's words by the Obama Press (AP), MSNBC, CNN, The New York Slime or The Washington Joke (Post).  The Donald says a lot of stupid stuff. But it is true that many of the people crossing the Mexican border are criminals that Mexico would rather see here than there.  It just might be a good idea to develop a more sound strategy than the current eeny, meenie, miney, mo one we're using for vetting Syrian refugees before we let ISIS supporters sneak into our country (see France, Germany, Belgium, et al and shut up). And yes, his current wife is way prettier than anyone in the Clinton family tree, although I'm not sure why that's a crime.  Oh, and yes, some of his companies have made use of (exploited) foreign factories and workers for fun and profit.  If you're going to be a billionaire you play by the rules the other billionaires play by on the playing field we created (read, the highest corporate taxes in the world domestically).

All true and more if you think Don Lemon matters.

But without spinning this into an endless debate that will have us all chasing our tails and throwing statistics at each other--real ones and "adjusted data" (I love that term), here's what I (and lots of others, believe it or not) think:

If Donald Trump is president our borders will be more secure. Maybe he gets the wall built, maybe he doesn't. I don't care. I just want a president who is as worried as I am about border security and our current lack thereof.

If Donald Trump is president the economy will improve. More jobs will be created. Standards of living will increase. Economic hope will abound.  Don't waste your breath trying to convince me that Hillary Clinton has any better idea of how to increase jobs than B Obama had and that a billionaire with over 10,000 employees does not.

Our military will become strong again.  I have heard it said by guys who know a lot more about it than I do that we could not win a war on two fronts right now. We would have lost World War II if it were fought today. Russia-China. Iran-North Korea. Pick your nightmare. We need to quit apologizing for having been the mightiest nation on earth and become that again. How much more stable would the world be had it not been for the Arab Spring, the development of  ISIS (yes, I do blame Obama for that) and the re-emergence of Russia as an international military threat?

Our cities will become safe again. Our federal government has all but funded the most racist, hateful organization formed in this country since the KKK--blacklivesmatter.  Crime has risen by double digits in every major city in the country since the myth that was Michael Brown. Rudy Guiliani's Broken Windows Policy and its many permutations throughout the country worked. We enjoyed two decades of the safest streets we have known since before the 60's and then the most racially divisive, fairy-tale spewing president in the history of this country allowed it/encouraged it to be unsafe to go to an ATM machine without an armed escort in most urban areas. Thousands of men, women and children are dying in the streets of JUST CHICAGO every year because of unenforced gun laws, decline of anything resembling a healthy family culture, the propagated myths of victimization and a secret war on blacks (but not Asians or Latinos) by cops and now, reluctance of cops to help the areas that need them most lest they be accused of participating in Barack Obama's imaginary war. Trump will support law enforcement's effort to make us safe again rather than create a DOJ that will actively and willingly attempt prosecution on the barest of hearsay and lack of facts of police officers just trying to do their jobs.  Go ahead--adjust some data and keep living in your fantasy world if you'd like.

If Trump is president we will add conservative Supreme Court justices. If he is not we won't. I don't care if he tells you every child will get a free winged-unicorn, imagine a few decades with the Supreme Court H Clinton will seat. Do you even want to be alive to see it?

Veterans will convert to a voucher system rather than continue to rely on a VA that has gotten so large and bureaucratic it is ineffective at almost all levels save creating government jobs for incompetent adminstrators. It won't cost us as much as the current VA system and vets will be able to get the care they need.

Education may also convert to a voucher system if Trump can get it through Congress. Imagine the freedom to send your child to a school of your choosing rather than the one you are zoned into because you may be unfortunate enough to live in a neighborhood that doesn't attract teachers who are worth a darn.

Obamacare can become something that works instead of the colossal-soon-to-be-a-total-failure we are experiencing as we see what was in the bill we passed.  I am so sick of the media saying the Republicans never had a plan for improving health care and even sicker of liberals who believe it.  I still like McCain's proposed plan the best but I'd have settled for Romney's. I am certain Donald Trump can improve on it because almost anyone could.

Is Trump knowledgeable enough to manage all aspects of the federal government by himself? Of course not.  He wouldn't be able to manage all aspects of his multi-billion dollar businesses by himself. What he knows how to do is surround himself with people who do have expertise in a given area and you don't amass the fortune he has amassed by not listening to them and making stupid decisions.  I have faith (yup, I said it) that he will run the country in much the same manner, no matter how maddening his shoot from the hip speaking style is at getting him negative headlines.

I was so encouraged when this round of Presidential Jeopardy started by the fact that Trump, Sanders and others who were completely outside the realm of Washington's power-brokered stranglehold on politics became the immediate frontrunners. Trump wasn't my first choice either and--surprise--Bernie was my last choice, but I was encouraged by the fact it appeared America was angry and fed up with politics as usual and we might be ready to hit the reset button and....Make America Great Again.

I still believe that is possible and I hope it is so.  The current media drivel about Trump polling poorly, blah, blah, blah doesn't bother me as much as it probably should. How many times did they write him off in the Republican primary process only to eventually see him win the nomination with more votes than ever in history.  The headlines of all the Republican nonsupporters should point as clearly as anything to the fear in Washington of the political gravy train becoming the political whirlwind. The polls that show Hillary leading in popularity make me think that if she indeed wins, and she certainly could, that this country will surely get exactly what it deserves. And I think that is the opposite of greatness. 

Most of us have already made our minds up.  If you haven't yet, take your responsibility seriously this fall and vote. You could be the difference between four more years of this (if Obama was so great why are the liberals so upset about the state of things?) and Making America Great Again.

Meat Wicks (And Other Things I Almost Invented)

Meat Wicks

(And Other Things I Almost Invented)

 

I don’t really have strong feelings about candles one way or the other as I suspect most men do not.  I can concede that they are kind of romantic, but really, if I’m in the mood they don’t do much more for me than a naked 60 watt bulb.  Candles are sort of cool on the table when you have people over for dinner but I’d never think to put them out myself.  And I do like candles at Christmastime as long as you don’t get them too close to the tree.

 

But it occurred to me when I was shopping last Christmas season with my daughter for, among other things, candles for small gifts for my wife that maybe the reason men don’t care much about candles is that they don’t come in scents designed to attract us.  My daughter had me sniffing candle scents such as vanilla, sugar ‘n spice, orange passion and other things that smelled just fine but didn’t really inspire me one way or another.  Naturally, I offered an opinion and employed that shopping skill all males eventually develop which allows them to convince females significant to them that we care and a couple of fragrant candles were selected that were sure to be a hit on Christmas morning.

 

And on the way home from that trip it hit me like an ice cream brain freeze:  there is an untapped market out there for candle sales to fully half the humans on this planet whose interest in said candles is strictly limited to having a few handy in a drawer for use when the power goes out.  But what if they came in meat scents?  Seriously, what guy wouldn’t love to walk into a room and be assaulted by the smell of lasagna but only have had to light a candle and make a sandwich to achieve the desired effect?

 

The list of salable scents is nearly endless but for starters I could lead with the lasagna scent, of course, and add roast turkey, bacon, chili, grilling steak, garlic, pizza, bbq beef, salmon, roast beef and  beer can chicken scented candles.  That last one is two great scents in one candle which could lead to a whole line of dual-scented candles like bourbon steak, maple-flavored sausage, beer brats and broccoli and cheese.  Okay, maybe not that last one.

 

I figure I could even have a premium line of candles for rich people and olfactory snobs featuring scents like prime rib or lobster.  Prime rib would probably just be the roast beef scent relabeled in the premium package since I figure most any part of a cow in the oven at 350 for a couple hours is going to smell pretty much the same. Some people just feel better spending more and believing they are getting an upgrade item, especially if they are going to give that item as a gift.  And in the entrepreneurial spirit that made this country great I want to be there to help them fill that need to believe they are giving the very best, at a premium price of course.

 

Imagine, for example, this touching locker room moment: 

 

“Happy birthday, Josh.”

 

“Holy s**t, it’s a Prime Rib-scented Meat Wick! Thanks, Will.”

 

I know I have some logistical issues to deal with like getting melting wax to smell like French fries (see, there’s another winning scent) and so forth but I would think if you can make candles that smell like berries and cream that other scents shouldn’t be overly difficult.  I’m more concerned with how to market my brainchild.  It has been suggested by potential investors with whom I have shared my idea that the contemporary vehicle of  internet marketing for a product called Meat Wicks might attract an entirely different demographic than the one I am aiming for and could be disappointing for both sales  results and the satisfaction of those making the purchases.

 

You might be surprised that I already have “potential investors”  but at this point they think they are merely my friends and family.  Imagine their delight when I give them the opportunity to buy into this sure money-maker.

 

Anyway, I have decided that I should employ that unoriginal but proven method of home party sales to launch my Meat Wicks.  Just look how well it has worked for Candlelight, Pampered Chef and Mary Kay.  Granted it may be difficult, to say the least, to get men to volunteer to host home parties since we’re all basically lazy.  Not to mention the idea of a touchy-feely party at which products that are not sports-related are passed around for examination and eventual purchase just sounds gay.  (I mean “gay” in the strictly descriptive and politically correct sense as even my homosexual friends think the idea of a candle party for guys only is gay.)

 

But I will cleverly disguise a Meat Wick’s Home Party Format as something else.  This may be sheer genius:  What guy doesn’t occasionally have friends over to watch a sporting event on TV and drink a few beers?  So with that as the hook you just light a Lasagna Meat Wick an hour or so before your buddies come over and probably before the second beers get opened somebody is going to say, “Hey, that lasagna smells great.  When do we eat?”  Do I need to point out that this provides the perfect opportunity to introduce Meat Wicks to your pals and pass around the other scents and the order form?

 

Providing they do not get pissed off that there will be no lasagna at halftime and duct tape you to your recliner this strategy should result in multiple orders, winning the host many valuable prizes and making me rich.

 

I’m already thinking of copy for the catalog.  “Get your runaway dog back without getting up out of your deck chair.” “The perfect gift for those hard-to-buy-for coworkers for the office Christmas gift exchange.” “Don’t send your student off to college without the gift that will always remind him of you.”

 

Imagine how the appropriately scented Meat Wick could enhance any meal and make your guests think you are a better cook than you really are.  Have a friend who insists on bringing over Vietnamese takeout?  No problem.  Light a Big Mac Meat Wick and let your imagination get you through the meal.  Plus my special line of Grilled Meat Scents (you’ll need one of every meat you throw on the grill) will come in Citronella-look-a-like buckets for use on the deck and are sure to make your neighbors jealous.

 

It has even been suggested that Meat Wicks would make great gag gifts but I’m not sure I appreciate that sentiment.

 

Lest you think that this Meat Wick idea is merely the random product of a wandering mind I feel I should point out other ideas I have had that might have been successful.  I am the one who independently thought of The Outdoor Female Plumbing Adapter.  I say independently because research reveals that the concept of a female urination device, or FUD, actually is one with no less than seven patents stretching back to 1922, all of which allow a woman to urinate in the standing position.  One FUD model sold over 100,000 units during its heyday.  Different versions of the device have born names ranging from The Urinelle, The Whizzy, GoGirl, SheWee and The Huikeshoven Medical BV.  (And you doubt the viability of a trade name like Meat Wicks?)

 

A couple FUD websites actually offer some tips on use.  The helpful hints which stood out to me were to always stand with your back to the wind and on another site the advice was to always face downhill.  Both are worthy suggestions but as a decades-long user of a MUD I am aware that there are times when those suggestions are in direct conflict with each other and facing downhill is not always a good idea with a stiff wind in your face although facing directly uphill is never a good idea.  Most MUD users will tell you that by the time beer has become a regular part of your diet you have pretty much instinctively figured out the angles and fine points of finessing urinating standing upright under most meteorological and geological conditions.  Welcome to our world ladies.  You couldn’t have stopped with voting I guess.

 

But the point is I was unaware that anyone else had thought of a female urine conductor when the idea occurred to me on a camping trip when my son and I were experiencing obvious advantages over my wife and daughter to coping with certain bodily functions in the great out of doors.  I think this quite obviously proves that I am capable of having a successful business idea.  Or at least a successful thought.  Besides, I have not seen a design that is exactly the same as mine so I may still patent my OFPA and capitalize on that booming market as well.

 

My original prototype employed a set of tricycle handlebars for securing the apparatus beneath the butt cheeks and behind the thighs of the female subject.  The rest of it was primarily made of about 20” of old rain gutter and about a third of a roll of duct tape.  My wife acknowledged that it was very thoughtful of me to try and be helpful but my daughter refused to use the OFPA and come to think of it I never saw my wife take it into the woods with her when nature called either.  As with many of my great ideas I thought I should think about it for several years before changing career directions.

 

Imagine my surprise then when one day I saw a device similar to my OFPA for sale in an issue of a popular outdoor gear company’s Spring catalog.  That particular device, as I recall, employed a padded rubber handle instead of tricycle handlebars and a piece of pvc pipe cut in half in the appropriate spot and whole beyond that for the rest of it’s 18” length and utilized absolutely no duct tape at all that I could see.  I’m not sure how much to read into the 18-20” length similarities in our 2 designs. All in all I must concede the catalog model looked more aesthetically pleasing than my device but I feel compelled to point out that mine was just a stereotype and my intent was to refine my design into a classy, dishwasher safe version.

 

I’ve thought of other things the world needs as well and following is a short list with patents pending.  Just as soon as I file them.  How about Beer Bottle Nipples or their close cousin The Martini Tippy Cup?  I have designed (kind of) a board game called Name That Hurricane which is similar to Monopoly but with bargain real estate prices.  And I have a terrific idea for a game called Hooker which is not at all what you think but is more reminiscent in both design and rules of the 1970’s parlor game, Twister, only with a picture of a centerfold model on a 36” X 72” mat instead of red, yellow, blue and green dots.  I am also inspired by music and am trying to translate a song library to digital storage for my Cajun Karaoke Machine.  And there is also my pending CD called Songs of The Deep which is eerily similar to whale noises but is instead recordings of noises my intestines make.

 

Of course you can clearly see why I am optimistic about the future of my Meat Wicks enterprise given my history with other inventions.  I’ve even been thinking that Meat Wicks could come in fragrances other than food but it has been strongly suggested by my wife and others that I should wait and see how the initial concept takes off before I try alternative fragrances that would have appeal to a primarily male audience.  I remain confident.

A Well Spent Day Off

I needed a break from the issues dominating the headlines lately. So Barb and I took a weekend day away from our usual home maintenance duties and took one of our nieces and her roommate on an antelope sighting and fly fishing trip. I won't say which niece but she hadn't ever seen an antelope in her 36 years so she is obviously not from around here.

To accomplish both missions it seemed necessary to head toward Wyoming. It was difficult to keep our niece and her roommate focused on anything other than their cell phones and giggly chit chat but I think we managed to show them 30 or so antelope between Westminster and Laramie. A wildlife highlight if ever there was one.  Especially if you are from somewhere where prairie dogs don't even exist. They wanted pictures but in my experience, antelope tend to show you how fast they can run if you get out of the car to take a selfie.  So I told them it was against the law and we kept moving.

Stopping for licenses in Laramie provided their first photo opportunity next to the big painted "We Specialize in Fly Fishing" sign on the sign of the building. If you see the picture on Facebook, it's not true. The ladies do not specialize in fly fishing although they did show some promising signs of their own.

When we finally got streamside I rigged a couple of rods which took longer than the girls wished but to their credit they did not start throwing rocks in the water to pass the time.  They could have been donning their rented gear but wanted to wait and do that just before we started fishing, perhaps in case another photo opp presented itself.  At waters edge I suggested they put their waders on while I scouted the stream a bit.  I looked up to check on them a few times--enough to know they were busily snapping pictures of each other in various stages of putting on waders.

Perhaps I should have paid closer attention.  Sensing we were ready to get started I went back to get them and heard our niece's roommate Jen ask if I thought it made any difference that she had put her waders on inside out.

If there were any doubt, I knew at that moment that I did the right thing when I declined to pursue a career as a fly fishing guide. It also dawned on me the day might not mimic any of my favorite scenes from "A River Runs Through It." So we redid the waders and took a new round of pictures and got to work. Oh my.

I quickly figured out that if I just let them take pictures when they wanted to instead of yelling at them to "Fish, damnit!" the day was going to go a lot smoother.  To their credit they got the hang of things fairly quickly, sort of, and soon the line was going in the general direction of where I thought there might be fish.  Only one willow was hooked all day which I think is darned remarkable for anyone's first day streamside, although I do credit their instructor with not letting them play out enough line to catch many willows on what were (in only the loosest technical sense) their backcasts.

After one fly change they began to miss several strikes on dry flies which excited them and held their interest. For awhile. The fish were quite eager and I cannot say the ladies missed many more strikes than anybody their first time out. A few more.  Not many more. But lunch beckoned and fishing could wait.

I caught 5 fish showing them how to cast and while they took a lunch break. It was the only fishing lunch break I have ever been associated with that involved chicken cobb salads made at some organic deli in Boulder. Barb reported later they were quite good.  My niece mercifully brought me a fishing appropriate sub sandwich which, while on focaccia bread, was delicious.

I had forgotten how exhausting one's first day of fishing could be and hadn't anticipated the apparently necessary naps after lunch although I have to say a streamside nap is one of life's underrated luxuries and I probably should have taken one myself.  Instead, being the dedicated uncle I am, I used naptime to scout another few hundred yards of the stream trying to find some can't miss spots for my two charges. That is my way of saying I didn't catch anymore fish although I did miss a few strikes myself.

After naps however, the action did taper off greatly and the ladies had photographed everything within sight and were ready to go after an hour or two. My suggestion that the evening hatch would be worth sticking around for was met with stares that I wouldn't describe as blank but they may have harbored evil intent.

So we left. I am afraid of evil intent.

We had a great pizza and beer feast at the world famous Bear Tree Restaurant in Centennial, WY, compliments of my two very generous students and the laughter and stories about the day made me wonder how I could ever take anything so simple and trivial and beautiful so seriously. The ladies seemed genuinely appreciative of the experience and it seemed they had a great time, measuring success in number of photos not number of fish.

And Barb and I, while never able to forget our son is a cop in these troubled times of open season on law enforcement professionals, left the drone of MSNBC v. FOX behind us for a day and laughed and splashed in the water and remembered that life still can be good.

Who matters?

The latter half of 2016 may have been the worst time in my history to begin a blog intended to point out the humor that normally confronts me on a daily basis. There just seems to be too much going on that upsets me on a near daily basis the last couple weeks and I can't get past the need to deal with it.

Today I am heartbroken. Sure, about the murders of police officers in Dallas but closer to home than that. Yesterday a young man whom I have known since the day he was born posted a meme that said "Black lives matter. If you don't get that then you are the problem." Well I don't get it.

To his credit he took it down when BLM shooters begin pinging away at cops in Dallas and he's not the only person who has taken up the marching cry of #blacklivesmatter. But what sucked the wind out of my sail was that this young fellow, whom I love and respect, was raised alongside my own two children, one of whom grew up to be a police officer.

I went from angry to defeated a lot quicker than I would have thought. I know this fellow is too fine and compassionate a guy to actually wish my son and his friend dead because of a police uniform and I will certainly forgive him. I already have. But how did we get to a point where hate is so loud?

Before I was forced to turn off my radio today the media was trying to defend blacklivesmatter and claim that the gunmen in Dallas were not affiliated with any group.  Sorry. I'm on board with that about as much as I am with the theory that the nutcase in Orlando was not motivated and inspired by ISIS.  I'm going to try and resist the temptation (today) to get sidetracked with what a sick and disgusting tool the media has become and what utter despots journalists are.  I don't think most of them have the intelligence for original thought anyway but they do give voice to those who want to drive the notion that all cops are at war with the black race.

Here is my meme:  "Most cops are heroes. If you don't get that then you are the problem."

My son, the police officer, was not raised to hate or judge anyone by the color of their skin. He is as color blind as anyone I know. I can assure you that he does not wake up in the morning thinking, "I hope today is the day I get to kill a black man." He is a police officer because the instinct to protect those who need it is stronger in him than in most people. It may come from somewhere deeper but I know it at least partially comes from all his years as an offensive lineman, first anchoring the line that protected his best friend in high school and later forging a bond that has a good chance of lasting a lifetime with a band of brothers that was the offensive line for five years for a Division 1 college football team. Incidentally, he was an offensive captain both in high school and in college so it isn't just me who thinks highly of him.

At 6' 4" and 260 lbs. of solid muscle he is exactly who you want to see show up if you need help. I am hard pressed to think of anyone one should want more than him between them and a bad guy (skin color up to you, he doesn't really care) attempting to beat a wife, rape a daughter, damage or steal your property or any other nefarious activity. He takes serve and protect seriously and literally. After some trial and error, policing is something that makes him feel like football made him feel. I am proud as can be of him and more than a little defensive of those who sneer at the suggestion that blue lives matter.

And he is one of hundreds of thousands of good cops across this country who are exactly the same way. Most cops are heroes. I repeat: If you don't get it then YOU are the problem. I'm told these posts need to be relatively short (hard for me) so I won't burden the page with the statistics of what a small fraction of a single percentage of black deaths by gunshot are wrought by bullets from cop's guns or how close the statistics are on black v. white deaths at the hands of cops.  If that shakes you up just consult MSNBC for a set of statistics that can help you feel better about hating cops. Those statistics will be wrong but don't let that stop you.

Are there bad cops? Duh. Of course there are. And the good ones would agree with all of us that they should be punished to the full extent of the law IF THEY ARE INDEED GUILTY OF A CRIME.

Who is driving this narrative of a war on blacks by our nation's peace officers? There's plenty of blame to go around but don't some of you find it puzzling that on any given weekend 50-60 black people, aged 3-70, are killed by other black people in Chicago alone? The Crips and Bloods have killed a WHOLE LOT more black people than cops and yet that rarely even gets reported. Why is that?

I think its because the black leadership in this country and the people who hold power by creating a victim class are reluctant to deal with the social meltdown in inner-city black culture. (Ummm! No he didn't just say that!)  No not everybody. C'mon. But 75 percent of black families are being raised without a father in the picture. Not just divorced.  Totally not in the picture. Who is teaching those youngsters what their behavior should be and what their role in the community should be and what their potential is if they dare to dream and work hard? That's a lot to ask of a single mom who is doing everything she can to keep food on the table and clothes on everyone's backs although those who do are a whole class of hero themselves.

Now sure, I just lost half of you who were inclined to disagree with me in the first place with my horribly racist comments. I don't intend my remarks to be racist. I think it's a real problem we need to address as a society.  That said, it's not a problem white people have the credibility to fix. We'd like to help, sure. But we need a team effort here. I'm far from the first to suggest it but wouldn't it be more productive if American black leaders put their focus on keeping families together and having faith in the resilience of the human spirit? If you really want to stop black deaths by lead poisoning it seems to me there are bigger topics to tackle than the cops.

Ya', it does sound silly and all pie in the sky.  Much easier to blame cops and white people for fun and profit and power.

And here's the moment you've been waiting for: I know how easily offended those of you who drink the koolaid are if anyone is critical of your guy in the White House, but is their a black leader in a more powerful position anywhere in America? The world? Would it be too much to ask for him to stand up and say, "Hey, quit blaming someone else for your circumstance. We CAN change. Yes we can."

That sounds so much different to me than "Not only do black lives matter, blue ones do too." Well, thank you Mr. President.

Ya' know what folks, All Lives Matter.  I've tried to understand why believing that is racist and wrong and I just can't figure it out. Black lives, white lives, blue lives, Asian lives (how come they aren't pissed at us?), Latino lives (they aren't all mad at us either but that's another blog I hope I never write), Native American lives (geez, don't say red lives), lives of any color I may have missed. They all matter. Every single one.

There is no war on black people by cops. It is a myth perpetuated by the media, black leadership, whites who exploit a concept of black victimization for their own gain and whatever the blacklivesmatter movement represents to create a victim class and enable them to focus their frustration on having someone else to blame instead of on stopping the downward spiral of self-victimization. Not to mention the benefit that falls to the perpetuating classes I listed for their own financial and power status quo. And by posting your ridiculous memes all you do is help them.

And no, my young friend, I am not the problem no matter what you have been led to believe.  Black people do not die because of me. You are still my friend. But watch it.

A Fourth of July Thank You

Thought I'd blog twice this weekend with the extra day off and all. Plus I woke up this morning feeling patriotic and grateful for the service of those who have given us this great nation in which we are fortunate enough to live
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Thanks to every service man and woman who put on the uniform. Whether you filed papers stateside, drove a jeep on a base in a country at peace, or sweated out firefights in conditions unimaginable to most of us: thank you.

I cannot tell me how sincerely I mean that.  And if you wore a uniform know that there are 10's of millions of us who feel that way. Maybe 100's. Watching the flag burnings and witnessing the dismantling of our military by our government I wouldn't blame some of you for feeling unappreciated.  But know that what the media reports is not what the nation feels.  We owe a deep debt of gratitude to every one of you and we know it.

It's always kind of been that way though hasn't it? I remember flag burnings in the 60's. This country didn't go far enough out of its way to make you Vietnam Vets feel welcome but you were.  She may try and hide behind her actor's guild card but we remember Hanoi Jane, and not fondly. (Fonda-ly?)

I was born between March 29, 1957 and December 31, 1959 which represented that freakish blip in our Selective Service System where the requirement to register was eliminated by President Ford. Probably had something to do with the fact his own son had "forgotten" to register. I was less in tune with the news in those days and was unaware I didn't need to register and while in college on my 18th birthday I became nervous that I hadn't gotten anything in the mail about registering for the draft but thought that might seem a poor excuse in court. So I called the Colorado State University ROTC office, thinking they might know what was going on, and asked what my next move should be.
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Once we established that neither enrollment in the draft or volunteering for the campus' ROTC program were compulsory I hung up without even giving my name.

Seems cowardly and often I feel guilty about it. Maybe that is part of why I feel so grateful for those who did serve.  I love the fact I live in a nation where all men are free and opportunity exists for anyone who is willing to work for it, even if that means resisting the temptation of the syren call of victimization.  I love the fact I live in a nation where I was able to raise a family safely and with the opportunity to enjoy all the freedoms of being an American.  Friday night football games which became Saturday afternoon football games. Watching my daughter dance. Working with my wife to maintain our home and raise our family. Being able to drive from one side of this great country to the other without having to pass through government checkpoints. Having the opportunity to provide for my family and on a couple of occasions to actually build businesses that seemed important. Saturday night barbeques. Cable TV (eventually). Freedom to choose. Freedom to speak. Freedom to live.

It is a rambling and inarticulate list, I know.  And I suspect that collectively we could make a list of things we are grateful for as Americans that would be too long to read. And for that privilege, soldier-sailor-marine-ranger-whatever-they-call-you-air-force-guys, thank you. Thank you very much.

Stop Yelling

So this will usually be funny but I feel like I need to address the elephant in the room and try and bring my version of sanity to the gun control "crisis" at the front of so many minds.

First of all, stop yelling.  Both sides. Stop it.  It's a touchy issue and both sides are completely convinced they are right and yelling isn't helping. We need to listen to each other. I guarantee you  will hear things you do not want to hear but the "ban all guns now" side needs to know that the "you can't have mine" side isn't happy about mass murders by mass morons either. And the "you can't have mine" side needs to hear that the way things are isn't working and it's not enough to say, "wish harder."

Full disclosure. I am a supporter of the second amendment.  I own a gun which you cannot have. It is not an AR-15, if you are someone to whom that is important and I am not a member of the NRA lest you think I am marching to their orders. I too believe something needs to be done.  I think that's our starting point.

I have to admit incredulity that the media (and I do not include all people on the left agree with the idiots in the media) are on a mission to make every shooting a law-abiding conservative problem.  That bothers me.  I take it personally. I am a husband, a father, an uncle, a son, a brother and a citizen of the same country you are. I've never killed anyone. I don't want to but I will if they threaten to do harm to me or my family. It hurts me when schools, bars and crowds of any kind are shot up by deranged and misguided, twisted pervs who've gotten their hands on a weapon.

There are some who will disagree but I am not a deranged and misguided, twisted perv but I do have a weapon and I want the killing to stop.  I am open to considering anti-gun owners ideas but I can already tell you I reject the extreme solutions and if you yell at me I am through with you.

I don't know all the laws we already have in place but I know the lack of enforcement of those seems to be a huge part of the problem. Can I suggest we start with a review of those and some analysis on how to enforce those?

From there my initial suggestions which, for God's sake, are not nonnegotiable lines in the sand, include you being open minded about the arguments for conceal carry and the abolition of gun free zones (which scream "target" to me).

I have lots more thoughts but I'm interested to see if I have any support. I know I'll have lots of resistance. Just please try and be respectful if you can be. Not to be disrespectful myself but I know some of you can't handle that. Let's solve this world problem and move on to more humorous subjects like illegal immigration and transgender bathrooms (c'mon, you gotta' see humor there).